I'm lost without you
by Descent-Into-Madness
Summary: Jason never knew how much he needed his brother until he lost him. Deathfic. This is my first fic :3 Please read and review!


Hi, I'm Jay :3 I'm not gonna lie, I was crying the whole time I wrote this I warn you, this is a death fic, and it might make you cry or make your heart explode, but don't expect happy things. I just…Please don't blame me for your feels, I mean, this started as a random idea in my head and went on to be so much more. This is also my first Fic, so please review; I'd love to know what you think. Oh, I don't own Dick or Jason, if I did, there would be more hugs.

~DescentIntoMadness

It had to be a lie. It had to be a fucking lie. There was no way his brother was dead, Dick was always there, and he would knock on your door at midnight if you needed him. So this couldn't be true. Jason half expected his brother's cold body to jump up and say, "Surprise!" But the body in his arms was still, and his brother was gone. Jason felt numb, like it wasn't real. It couldn't be real, it had to be a nightmare, he couldn't lose his brother, not Dick. Not the brother that had always been there when he woke up screaming, not the brother who he had talked to and went out to ice cream with, not the brother who had let him stay over at him place when he just come back from the dead and treated him like always.

The boy could feel the hot tears streak down his cheeks but he didn't care. He felt a hand on his shoulder and soft words but he didn't care. Dick was lying dead in his arms, still, cold, and it felt so wrong. This couldn't be his brother, his brother who was always lively and smiling and cheerful and the life of the party. It couldn't. He didn't want to let go, he didn't want to lose him, not him. Not the only person he could always count on. Jason set down his brother as if one wrong move would shatter him into pieces. He walked away, didn't look back, and left. He couldn't look at him anymore, at what used to be his brother. But Jason didn't cry, not anymore. He walked the streets and beat any criminal that crossed his path into a bloody pulp. He didn't hold back, he didn't even try to, he just needed to hit something, to blame someone for this, but he knew who he blamed. It was himself.

Jason was too careless and rash, he acted too quickly and maybe if Dick hadn't had to jump into to save him, he would still be here, laughing and telling jokes, messing around and ninja hugging. What Jason would do for a hug right now, just to feel that warm body against his. He missed him, so much, he wanted his big brother back. He felt like a kid again, helpless. Jason punched a brick wall with all his force and didn't stop when his knuckles were bleeding, not when he could feel the fingers crack, not when the pain was all he could feel. He needed it, it was better than the emptiness and sadness that was tearing at his heart like a rabid dog. He didn't want to go back into that lonely hole again.

Something had snapped when he saw that look in Dick's eyes, the blood staining the suit, the weak thumping of his heart, and the fading light. He couldn't forget it. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it. He heard the soft, heart breaking works, "I'm okay lil' wing, it'll be fine, Alfred will patch me up and I'll be better in no time, alright? Just always know, I love you, you're my little brother, never forget that." They were so weak and so quiet, and it was all a lie. He wasn't going to be okay, he wasn't better in no time, and nothing was alright. He watched the light go from his eyes, he watched his chest rise and fall then never rise again. He watched his brother die and he couldn't do anything. Jason was sad and broken and he didn't hold back anymore.

He sobbed and his back sunk down the wall. His hands held his head and he cried. Jason was broken, he couldn't act like he was okay, not after that. Dick was gone. He was dead. And he wasn't coming back. Why was it always him? Why had he come back in the first place? He never wanted this. Not this pain and heartache and the pounding in his head and thoughts running rampant, he had never wanted this, not in a million years. And now Dick was dead, and if anyone needed to be alive, it was him. Dick was the prodigal son, the one who always did good, so why had it been Jason? The failed robin, the one who never listened and got himself killed, Why?

Jason looked at his hands. His bloody, broken hands. These hands had killed, these hands had held his brother as he died, these hands were stained with blood. Numbly, Jason had stumbled home to his crappy apartment and collapsed on the couch, he didn't care about anything anymore, he didn't want to feel a thing. After a few beers, his eyelids were heavy and he wanted sleep, but something stopped him. A window opening. Assuming it was Batman or one of the other batbrats, he muttered a curse and swung his arm in that direction, but it wasn't and Jason widened his eyes, this couldn't be real. His brother was standing in front of him, smiling like nothing had happened, he was crouching down beside him and chuckling. "You look like you seen a ghost, Jay Bird." Jason just stared, out of disbelief, no, this wasn't real, his imagination was playing a cruel trick. But when Dick reached out and ruffled Jason's hair, he knew it wasn't. His hand was warm and real and this had to be real. "Di…Dick?" He murmured hesitantly. "You died, this….isn't real."

Dick laughed and just looked at Jason with a smile. "Must've been a nightmare, I'm right here." Next thing he knew, Jason had got up and wrapped his arms tightly around his brother's neck, and he felt Dick's arms close around him. "Well this is unusual, guess you had a bit too much, lets lay down." The elder didn't disconnect his arms for a few seconds, but eventually he gently pushed a resisting Jason back on the couch. "Sleep, lil' wing, I'm right here." Jason shook his head and he felt himself crying again. "You died Dick, you left me alone, I can't let you disappear again." He try to stop his sobbing and refused to let go of his brother. Dick looked at him first in shock, but then with knowing eyes and a gentle face. "I won't leave, I'll be here when you get up, just relax, go to sleep."

Jason looked at his brother with scared eyes, but sleep began to close on him again and he felt his eyelids droop. "I love….you…Dick." he slipped out the words before comfortable darkness clouded his vision he let go of his struggle. The first robin smiled and tears left streaks on his cheeks as he started to cry. "I love you too Jay, I'm always with you, remember, even when you're alone, I'm here." He told his sleeping brother and stood up slowly, his body almost like mist. Wisps of blue and black floated away and he smiled sadly at Jason. "I love you Jason." His voice faded along with him and the room was empty again, with only a smiling, sleeping Jason passed out on the couch.


End file.
